Monday, August 03, 2009

The historical West Texas town of Acorn was founded by the Briggs family or the Carsons family, depending on who you ask. Just slide on over to the Turner Street CafĂ© and you’ll find some cranky old geezer willing to give you an earful about that. The pictures you see here are of our historical Seventh Street district and of one of the many oak trees planted here during the 1950s by the Fischers, a family of German immigrants that nearabouts bankrupted what little water supply we had back then…but who can argue with the results? You don’t see this many trees in Lubbock!

Founded: 1934.

Area: 25 square miles (includes recent annexation).

Current population: 21,001.

Altitude: 3,245 feet above sea level.

Geography: flat, flatter, and flattest.

Weather: mostly mild winters (except for the occasional ice storm), mostly mild spring through fall (except for the occasional dust storm, Easter freeze, or tornado).

Worship: Catholic or Presbyterian for some, Baptist for the rest of us.

Wild Life: prairie dogs, squirrels, ground owls, various widows. The horses and cows are mostly *outside* the city limits, but some Acornians like to dress up as cowboys and cowgirls anyway.

Night Life: Three bars, open from 11 AM to 2 AM. A movie house/restaurant. Concerts are no longer encouraged in Acorn, but sometimes happen at the bars. We also don’t encourage the presence of a certain “adult” establishment, which we’ve managed to rezone outside our city limits. We do encourage and support Acorn College Football, day or night games!

Reasons to visit:

(1) German festival!

(2) The best chicken-fried steak and apple pie this side of Throckmorton!

(3) Close to Lubbock and Amarillo!

(4) Antiques shops and an art gallery!

(5) As far as we can figure, no film students have ever turned up missing here.

(6) Acorn College, and more importantly, Acorn College Football!

(7) How 'bout those sunsets?

(8) Unlike the people in Happy, Texas, we wouldn't mind if you made a movie about us, as long as you gave us lots of money.

(9) A short drive to Roswell, New Mexico.

(10) A short drive from Roswell, New Mexico, if you get tired of the alien hunters.

(11) We’re nothing like West Texans in movies or that ***** Greater Tuna play. (The preceding sentence was edited for a word that made me have to put a quarter in the cuss jar.)

(12) We have a more “normal” name than Shallowater, Levelland, Muleshoe, Throckmorton, or Earth, Texas. We love to brag about our beautiful name.

(13) Though he may deny it and tell us to take this off our Web site, rumor has it that a certain famous West Texan who now lives in D.C. attended a frat party or two here. Maybe he just doesn't remember.

(14) None of our citizens have been on that Survivor TV show or American Idol, but we have a daily Wheel of Fortune Viewers Club, over at the Ice Cream Dream, and you don’t know Fear Factor until you’ve been to Acorn’s Cow Palace on Karoake Night.

(15) According to the latest recount, we still have more marriages than divorces.

(16) Trees! We’ve got ‘em!

(17) Acorn Lake! It ain’t big (we had to fight over the right to call it a lake), but it’s pretty!

(17) Have we mentioned the sunsets?

(18) The Dixie Chicks have never written a song about us. No, really, we don’t want them to.

(19) Friday Night Lights! Not the book, movie, or TV series—just the real deal!

(20) We all talked about voting for Kinky Friedman, even before he thought about running for Governor of Texas and replacing Governor Goodhair!

(21) No, really, our mayor isn’t gay. Well, the old one said he wasn’t either, before he ran off with that fellow Whathisname.

(22) Community organizers, and re-organizers. Between the Carsons family and the Briggs family, you never know who’s buying what!

(23) Lubbock author Duane Simolke wrote a book about us! Read the reviews at Kirkus, Amazon.Com, Amazon.Com (1st edition), (2nd edition), and (1st edition).

Kindle Edition.